Craving for My Old Self

by - 8:27 pm

craving for my old self

Assalamualaikum and hi

Time flew and it's already the eleventh day of December now. We might or might not notice it. I still can't believe the fact that I'm growing old every single second. This scared me like hell. I always want to be better but never take any action to change myself. Honestly, I missed my old self. The one who always gets inspired, never say no to study and always hold a pencil to write. I'm no longer that same person. I've changed. Even not drastically, but still I've changed.

I'll sit for my SPM by next year. I must say that I have no more time to goof around like a kid. But this is what I'm still doing until now. It was just me and it was too hard to change. Somehow, I think my old self (which was me when I was twelve or less) was much better. Matured and serious and never think of a way to leave my books. I really wish that 'me' will come back! 😭

I have to admit. Back then, there's no such technologies such as a smartphone or laptop in my life. I do have them but I don't use them frequently, like what I'm doing now. Like I've said before, my life back then was full of books, books and more books. I rarely enjoyed myself, alone or with my friends. But now things changed. It was like I'm too enjoying my life without thinking about the pros and cons. Now, I'm trying to keep away things that distract me and spending more time with my books. It's been hard though, honestly. But I'm trying. 💪

Me, in my primary school ages was much different from now. Back then, I don't know how to jokes around or put a prank on my friends. I really took care of my friends, mentally and physically. I don't want them to get hurt because of me or I'll be depressed for making them feel bad. I'm putting my best efforts to make them happy with me. I don't want to lose them in any matter. But now, friends were like a toy. Either me hurting or they hurt me, nobody would care. They come and they go.

I'm a real nerd back then. Books and books. Nothing else. I'm a nerd and be friend with those nerds, perfect living. There's no such thing like 'let's watch a movie tonight' or 'hey, wanna hang out with us at a restaurant later?'. Definitely no. We come to school, study and go home. Ah, we did some study groups too. So lame, isn't it? 😂 Study and books and the routine continue till we'll be sitting for our UPSR. Alhamdulillah, all of us achieved well. I mean, me and my nerdy friends, the ones who go to school, study and go home. But now, they've changed too. Some got their boyfriends and some were in love with beauty products. Yes, at the age of 16.

I really hope I'll be my old self. Even if I have to do it without my nerd friends. I want to improve myself. I want to impress my parents or perhaps my whole big family, like what I did back then in 2012 with my UPSR results. This time, I want to rock with my SPM results. Hoping that it will be much better. I did well in my PT3 last year but I don't feel any satisfaction. Maybe because I don't have all A's in my result? Ahaha. I'm a paranoid. Pathetic. 😪

For this upcoming SPM, I hope to achieve at least, yes at least 6 A's. I don't put too much hope on those science subjects which were Biology, Physics, Chemistry and Add Maths. I'm too afraid that I might not do well. So, those basic subjects hopefully could help. I'm not a genius and never want to be but at least I'm trying. It was for them who want to see my achievements and for myself too. Well, who doesn't want to get a foundation after all, no? It could help to ease my parents too, aight? 😁

So, I just want to conclude that I've changed now and I want to change to my old self back. I really wish this, seriously. I don't care what people going to say. Nerd or what. As long as I'm happy with myself. I need encouragement. Will you help me? I would gladly accept your helping hands. 😍

I think this is long enough 😂

Till then. Wallahualam 💋

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  1. Goodluck with your spm.. I'm impressed with your previous life being a nerd.. Back then, I was the one whom read novels a lot, instead of academic books.. But I prefer to study smart.. As example, I could not study in a group but I would study alone, doing lots of questions and in the same time, I would make extra notes from the topic of the questions.. From then, I could extract all the important points.. I guess it was bless knowing how I could learn effectively so my novels won't affect my results.. Well, everyone had their own way for an effective study.. Perhaps it's okay for you being the current you, it's just you have to know the effective way for you to study.. ^^

    1. Thanks for your tips. I'm trying my best to study smart rather than study hard too. It will be a bless if it was effective for me. Thanks for the wishes too :)

    2. Thanks for your tips. I'm trying my best to study smart rather than study hard too. It will be a bless if it was effective for me. Thanks for the wishes too :)

  2. Wish u the best for upcoming Spm. Jgn stress sgt, just enjoy ur life with ur age now. Zaman skolah xkan berulang semula dear =)

    1. Thank you :D
      Saya memang tengah cuba sehabis baik untuk tak stres masa belajar.

  3. I think you really need to distant yourself from gadgets first of first because gadgets distract us a lot especially a school student like you. I was really you, & I regret later after I got my spm result. I hope too much but then I realised that I didnt work really hard. I keep thinking abt my lifestyle like bf, enjoyment & all. Tbh, those fcuking things can be feel after your spm life. You can live however you want. School life is study. Nothing more. Dont regret later dear

  4. Yes, you're totally right. I'm too distracted with the gadgets. I'm now trying to use them only when I need them so that I can focus more on my study. Thanks for your opinion. I really appreciate them :)